11/26/10

I had alot. Friends, money, time, chances: I had a life to love. For a while, I was there in perfect euphoria and now I am here. For once, my life went perfect. But of reasons, of ways I did not recognize... I FELL. LIFE FELL.

I do not hate life. Even if at times it made me cry and think it was a bit unfair. In fact, I am astonished of how it worked for everybody. Life, I define as a nonstop journey that is both excruciating and fulfilling, exciting and frightful, interesting and unsure. Life is something you drive alone living you with freedom to choose where to go. Life, for me is amazing.

I'll show you why.

Once I was with alot of people who lured me with love they told me WAS UNCONDITIONAL. The company they offered was the one you thought would last for a lifetime. But like usual epics, I WAS WRONG. For a moment I lived with the little home they help me build around me. That little home they too, ruined. A few stayed but their quantity I can count on only one hand offering me little hopes and wonders. Many from the few stayed for a little while but then grew tired later and like the others, left. Until there was none.

I denied I was melancholic about the many losing I have experienced but tonight... I AM PUTTING PRIDE in the backseat and saying YES, I AM HURT. (Now I feel better). Haters might like how I react to this but I don't care. It's not Karma anyway. It's purely God's act of pulling his daughter back from the artificial world she childishly, impulsively built without HIM.

AMAZING...right? That's Life.

Of the many mistakes I did in the past, God still pursued to get me back. He never forgets, He always sees.

Though deep within, I'm still hurting, I can brag and say I CAN STILL BE THERE BACK WITH EUPHORIA.. I can say that THERE WILL BE ALOT MORE THAN WHAT I LOST OUT THERE-- WITH HIM.

　

something mushy for tomo :D

 

Great how we outshined all the encumbrances we bumped into and how Everything went perfectly fine for the past 7 months we had. (Although we have to admit that Most of the days were unfortunate especially for you. )

"Uneasy".  That's what you'd usually say...But Eventually after conflict we both would realize it was dumb putting up a fight when we both know we Love each other well. And I think that is what counts: realizing Love .

  On this 7TH, I want you to know that I have found JOY in the  Venture-like we had and we're still having together. What we share may seem a little less mature than what relationships ideally should be but I think I'm learning and Enjoying.

 Thank YOU.

:> HAPPY MONTHSARY.

BLOVE LETTER 2

I didn't thought about singing "I'd rather" to someone long before this lad came. But then it happened.

 "I'd rather have bad times with you than good times with someone else" :))

I LOVE YOUUUU GEMUEL! :*

Life As We Know It: A MUST WATCH

While almost everybody in the world's all giddy about that Harry Potter picture show, the three of us (me and my two favorite boys,Andrique and Gemuel) chose to watch a different movie: LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. It was the ideal movie to watch during the day given that I was yearning for something to talk me out of depression. It was a fun-filled movie with lessons I know will help me in the ensuing ages. :> WATCH IT as well. :)))

7/29/10

TODAY I FEEL LIKE WRITING.

Although I'm supposed to be studying now cause chapter test's due tomorrow, Still I'm giving away a full good hour for this need to dispose. I AM ALL BUT A LITTLE UPSET TODAY--prolly the reason why I am urged to write early today until now. I AM SO UPSET MAINLY ABOUT HOW I AM NOW. I AM UPSET OF THE PERSON I GOT OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP I HAVE WITH HIM. I AM UPSET OF THE WAY I LET THINGS FLOWED OUT OF CONTROL.

I NEVER LEARN. That's what I should tell myself now. I always say that I've changed and that things would never go the way things went like before. BUT REALLY... I CONCEDE: I NEVER LEARN. I never changed. This is still the old me. THE OLD ONE I HATED. THE OLD ONE I ALWAYS REGRET TO BE.

I thought this was going to make me better and I thought I was going to need this. I thought this was something worth my time. I thought this would make me feel HAPPY. But everything turned all the other way around. I DON'T BLAME US. I DON'T BLAME HIM. I BLAME ME. NOBODY IS EVER RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS BUT ME. JUST ME and my pieces of junk. I just wish I threw them long before he came so I won't be feeling this. I should have prepared for this. I WAS SO CLUMSY I JUMPED INTO THIS AGAIN. I should have known I'D REGRET. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. I SHOULD HAVE...

GOD GOT ME LOST ALL OVER AGAIN. Just like His old ways he'd let me fall and then would make me realize I've fallen and REVIVE ME AGAIN and BACK AGAIN. He's like that. I don't know if I should be happy because He always sees me and He always gives me full attention but I know something is really OVERLY wrong. NOT HIM but the way He loved me. I don't understand why of all people, I AM ALWAYS THE ONE WHO FEELS HIS PRESENCE both in triumph and in trouble. Good with the first but with the latter, NO. God is always the culprit of my miseries in life. HE IS MY ONE BIG KARMA. HE IS MY PAIN. HE IS EVERYTHING THAT HURTS.

I just pray that I one day will know the reasons for these. I pray that I would finally be on that REVIVING STAGE AGAIN. Where I would feel like I'M HOME, where I would feel safe and assured. WHERE I WOULD FEEL HIM.

:))

Third's third.

I WROTE THIS AGES AGO and I THOUGHT THIS IS BLOG-WORTHY...SO HERE.


This to the MAN I've been with for the past 3months:

　

I was all but committed to him the day I met YOU

YOU were then the alluring handsome anonymous man my friends are so mad looking at

YOU were the discreet

YOU were the mysterious

YOU were so new THEN to my EYES--(AND YOU were then only made for MY eyes)
IT WAS FATE maybe when WE BUMPED TO BECOME FRIENDS

FRIENDS--

JUST FRIENDS because YOU were with her and I was with him

AND then IT WAS FATE AGAIN that in time we have ended all what we have outside US and finally became US.

NOT EASY. NOT ALL HAPPY.the DIFFERENCES screwed every bit of love we have between us:

YOU swim. I DON'T.

I sing. YOU DON'T.
--exemplaries that would have to speak for the bigger things:
YOU'RE STRONG. I'M NOT.
I'M SENSITIVE. YOU'RE NOT.
And so we come up with adjustments

--ADJUSTMENTS that made us realize we are stronger than our differences

FATE again maybe that brought us that way.

REASON? I DON'T KNOW.But of three things that I am certain about this fatesomething I never realized or something I never attempted to realize because I dwell so much on fantasies.

FIRST:

YOU CAME TO TEACH ME BECOME THIS VERY PERSON YOU KNOW NOW.SOMEONE YOU THOUGHT TO BE HONED LONG BEFORE YOU CAME--someone you thought to be ideal.

YOU CAME ALSO TO ORIENT ME WITH PAIN

--PAIN I KNOW I NEEDED FOR ME TO BE STRONGERnot just as a girlfriend but more importantly a WOMAN.

and the last...

MY FAVORITE REASON :)
YOU CAME TO SHOW ME THAT LOVE, LIKE me&you... IS NOT PERFECT.
 

IT WAS YOU who MADE ME WOKE UP AND SEE THE REALITY.

IT WAS you and FATE :)

thanks to fate

TO THE FATE THAT MADE US FRIENDS.

TO THE FATE THAT MADE YOU GOOD NOT ONLY FOR MY EYES

TO THE FATE THAT made the discreet OPEN to me

TO THE FATE THAT made the mysterious KNOWN TO ME

TO THE FATE THAT MADE ME MET the anonymous

TO THE FATE THAT MADE ME OWN THE alluring man

and more importantly, THANKS TO FATE...

--TO THE FATE THAT MADE the two of us all but commited not to THEM but TO EACH OTHER :)

　

　

　

　

I LOVE YOU. always :)HAPPY 3RD MONTHSARY!

BLOVE LETTER number1

Baby, I know we haven't gone a long way yet but I just want you to know that I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU CAN JUST IMAGINE. -nhat :)